Empathic vs. Emphatic?

“Empathic Listening”.

This story is 100% true.

I’ve subtitled this brief ditty: “Bob’s  Attempt at Nuanced Leadership”.

Malcolm is a department manager reporting to me, the Operations Mgr.

He has a problem. His management approach is best described as bigoted bullying.

But, as his boss, it’s my responsibility to give him the opportunity to correct his behavior. Too many managers believe they can correct/change people’s behavior. Oh, so wrong! We can explain clearly why their behavior must change and provide resources for them to make a sincere effort to amend their habits. But, if they truly want to adjust, only they can make the change. They gotta wanna!

Malcolm needs help, so I offer him the writings of Stephen R. Covey and his 7 habits which I had been using as a personal guide for several years. One of Covey’s articles is “Empathic Listening”. I give Malcolm a written assignment; Read Covey’s article and give me a written synopsis of your interpretation and how it could affect your management style.

Malcolm completes the assignment on time. We meet. He hands me his written response, which to my shock and awe, he has titled “Emphatic Listening”. Judging by his response as we reviewed his article, he wasn’t joking.

At this point I’m required to update Corporate Personnel on Malcolm’s progress. When I explain Malcolm’s response to the nice corporate lady lawyer – – – – nothing but silence! Malcolm managed to render a corporate lawyer speechless.

I saw Malcolm a few years later. Not in person. I saw him while as I watched a college football game. He was officiating for Big Ten college football. How ironic I thought to myself or, maybe fitting. Malcolm found a good paying job where his decision was the final decision. The rules are clear ,,,, very little listening required.

And here’s what leaves me puzzled: Why, so often, do we hear, but don’t listen? Malcolm ultimately lost his job due to his failure to appreciate/internalize the difference.