Christopher Chicken

Welcome to Acerbia  where humor bites, in a rhetorical sense. One of the pillars of American humor is the chicken joke. I couldn’t find a source for the total number of chicken jokes published to date. 

But, allow me to add a new one —–

Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic?

To murder and rape the indigenous poultry in the process of stealing their most valuable resources, and selling them as slaves.

Christopher Chicken, circa 1492 — you know who I’m talking about — backed by upper class profiteers, i.e. “investors”, sailed west from Poultrigal, bringing disease and weapons which, at the time, were capable of mass destruction. Chris’ objectives were gold and slaves. He didn’t find gold but, upon his arrival hundreds of potential slaves were there to warmly greet him.  Based on eyewitness accounts the RIC (rooster-in-charge) began the enslavement and annihilation of the indigenous Arawak almost immediately upon his arrival. The invaders completed their task in just 30 years, 

C. Chicken, for 500 years was called an “explorer”. In fact, Chris was a marketing guy.  He recognized that there was big money to be made by finding and exploiting undeveloped countries, and he sold his concept to wealthy investors.

Chris didn’t “discover” anything. The trade winds carried him West and like many people today, he wound up vacationing in the Bahamas. 

I’ve mentioned before how fascinated I am by history, the real history! Isn’t it curious that the more we delve into the details of the lives of people who we celebrate with statues, the more statues are being torn down? We’re also very unhappy now with the names of military facilities which have existed for up to 200 years. Public schools around the U.S. are currently wrestling with commemorative names of schools along with the selection of names for schools under construction. The more we learn about the REAL history i.e., the uncomfortable Truth about many of our heroes, the more we understand how human they were and thus, flawed.

With so much controversy surrounding any major history event you can think of, I thought I would attempt to cool things down by using the construct of the nearly unanimous love of the chicken joke. A dose of absurdity —– You all know to whom I refer but, 54 cities and towns in the U.S. are named after this guy and I don’t want to upset them or force them to tear down his statues. Eliminating the human element and adding humor makes it easier to get the story across to more people.

Here’s another one…

Why did the chicken cross the Delaware?

I need to find a euphemism for slave owner before I write the punchline for this one.

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