Axe Throwing

Since retiring I have a lot of extra time on my hands. I get up early and stay up relatively late, seldom sleeping more than 7 hours. I stay busy with home improvements, exercising, the stock markets, reading, and TV. Still there are days when it seems I just don’t have enough to do. 

This morning as I was leaving our favorite convenience store, I noticed 2 handwritten signs. (See below) One encouraging me to learn how to throw an axe and another inviting me to join an axe throwing league. As I began researching the art of axe throwing, for a moment, a very brief moment, I thought about adding it to my agenda. There’s an American and international version of organized leagues and individual competition.

Unfortunately, those two little shabby signs are not going to grow your sport. The first ingredient you need is a creative mind like mine. For just 5% of the current $200 million gross annual revenue from axe throwing competition you are authorized to use the following promotion strategy.

Your sport needs a lot of help. Find another sport with the same problem and integrate your activity with them.

Curling, yes, curling! The butt of so many jokes for many years needs a lot of help. The most common response upon viewer’s initial exposure to curling is “Why”? Why is this an Olympic sport? It’s so slow. From the time the “stone” is released until it gets to the “house”, I could get in a pretty good nap. The excitement level is right down there with golf. I turned on the Master’s with the intention of napping. It worked great.

So, here’s the plan — can I call you axe grinders? 

Combine the axe throwing with curling like they did with skiing and shooting. What was the rational there? You might want to gun someone down while you’re skiing? 

It’s a perfect match. The rest of the world finds out about axe throwing and curling becomes a potentially lethal sport. Plenty of time to throw an axe while you’re waiting for an agonizingly slow “stone” to reach the “house”. 

The rules are simple. While the curling person with the broom is sweeping in front of the stone, the axe thrower is allowed 3 attempts to maim them. Of course, now the curler would be wearing a full suit of armor, just like knights in olden days.

The 3 throws can come anytime that the curler has the broom in their hands. The strategy becomes the timing of those throws. Whack ‘emearly, or make them wonder when it’s coming? 

Now your sport has drama and, the most popular ingredient in action TV and movies —–

Violence!

Pick one of the most obscure cable channels and schedule your premier matches to immediately follow caged kick boxing. 

I can be reached through this blog. 

Axers, let’s get started!