Happy Holidays!

No, not those holidays. These would be entirely new holidays created by King Bob if and when I’m ever coronated. We would still have our Democracy like it was in 2016. I would make sure of that with my power over law enforcement. We would still need elections just like today. The only changes that I decree would be to shorten the campaign period by one day and stop littering all the roads with those garish signs.

Here’s how it works.

Early voting is limited to mail-in ballots. A free stamp strictly for mail-in ballots is sent to all addresses a month before the election. Drop boxes for ballots are set up every 5 miles.

On Tuesday, polls open before dawn but no earlier than 5 AM. States are required to provide free coffee, orange juice, and classic rock n’ roll played really loud along with “Thunderstruck” once every 20 minutes. (Nice touch, huh?)

Every 2 years running up to the national elections, Monday, the day before the elections, is a “take a deep breath and relax day”. All media are prohibited from running political ads. Tuesday is also a holiday. Media coverage of elections in progress is totally banned until the polls close. Any displays or distribution of political publications is prohibited within 500 yards of the polling location.

All outdoor political signs must be picked up before sunset on Sunday.

We may want to go a step further and prohibit political conversations beyond your immediate family. Uncle Harry? Stick to football.

So, who wouldn’t love a 4 day week-end? Who isn’t fed up with political ads by Oct. 15th?

Get my coronation set up and we’ll be ready to roll in 2024.

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